OUR LIVES SHOULD MATTER – JUST WHY ARE WE FORCED TO LIVE IN FEAR
I am writing this post in the hope and I mean the hope that perhaps somebody somewhere will actually realize that all peoples right to life is important and that we should not be forced to loose our families over the abuse we suffered as we are the victims.Yet the abusers have more rights then we do.
Personally I was a victim of Domestic Violence for over 23 yrs ,he had more affairs then hot dinners and would be so blatant about these women that he would introduce them to my four sons unknown to me.The day my only daughter Chelsea was still born and I blame him for that,he left me in the hospital to grieve alone and to organize her funeral as he went to his girlfriends house,and to this day he tells me that she was better off dead than having a mom like me and that hurts like hell.
Mental and Emotional abuse were worse than the physical but the scars from that I still hide with make up.Sex to him was Rape,he was an alcoholic,a liar and manipulator.There was nothing he was not involved in and even wanted me to be gang raped by his friends as I threatened to go to the police,A real man he thought he was.As for the police I stayed quiet that time.His one wish in life is to have me dead or to quote him be fed through a tube and urinate into a bag for life,total control of my life and future.Everyday that I wake up I wonder if it is my last on this earth and one of these days he will get his wish and it will be.
My four sons all grew up watching and living with abuse,many a time I wanted to die and I did try as it was easier than to wake up and suffer another day at his hands and the fear of what was to come.But I could never leave my boys never.My oldest is an abuser like his dad he assaulted me when he was 16 yrs old and nearly killed his brother than 17 last year on purpose,I have not seen nor heard from my oldest in over a year and do not want to as I wont tolerate an abuser in the family.He is his fathers son.
My son who is 18 is known as Rambo simply as he has defied death so many times that he is a walking miracle and most of it down to connections by his dad,right now he is our bodyguard at 18 he has no life,he never leaves my side or his little brothers always watching and waiting for something to happen,its not a fear but a reality of who I was married to.His dreams are on hold,his life on hold and his friends he does not really have as he wont leave us in case something happens.He sleeps during the day and stays up at night to ensure we can sleep safely and that is wrong.He has devised a hands on program to help kids or teenagers that are forgotten in society due to there abuse or trauma as he simply wants to help others.Right now he is at breaking point and I do not think he can take anymore and despite him not telling me I know my son and his behavior now shows that he is aware of threats against us that i do not know of.If he does not get to safety soon my soon will not survive the next attempt on his life.
My other son I have not seen in over two years,and hardly spoken to him as it is easier for him not to speak to us.Before you think his dad has custody no he does not he was simply kept after a holiday as he was the quieter one and his brother Rambo put on a plane in the middle of the night and sent home,That was the last time my son was seen in the physical by us and it breaks my heart and his brothers.
My youngest munchkin as I call him saw the least amount of abuse his brother Rambo always hid him and protected him from it but he did see and hear enough to be traumatized.Yet he can not have a childhood as he lives in hiding in fear and anticipation of his dad turning up to take him anyway he can as he has threatened and is very capable of doing.He is so innocent in many ways he still believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy yet his childhood is not as it should be.He or I should say we are afraid every time he goes to school that we wont see him afterwards and that is wrong and not fair.
Our country has no laws to protect us none at all.We have no criminal records and we simply want to live in the USA as our family have done since the 1860 s all legally and to integrate into life and to help others to get through there life of abuse.We want to live not to wait to be found and our lives taken,and we do not want to take any money from any dept in the States that is not who we are .
In actual fact I have a plan with a friend to open a facility that is nowhere within the USA that will help families of abuse.Sadly though our lives do not seem to matter as nobody ever returns calls from Departments that could help us or even reply to emails we are now victims of domestic violence statistics and waiting to be for me anyway a murder statistic and when that happens so many will then offer to help when it is too little too late
HELPING US WHEN I AM DEAD IS NO USE – IT IS NOW WE NEED THE HELP TO LIVE SO MY BOYS CAN GROW UP WITH THERE MOM AND BE FREE
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