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Forced to live a life of Child Abuse- My 12 yr old son asks me Why mam Why ?–What do I say ?

September 26, 2013

My heart has literally been broken by what my youngest son 12 yrs old has just spoken to me about.Many of you will be aware of our battle to survive,to escape the life of fear and isolation that we have been forced to live ,simply due to the fact that we are statistics in life.It is crazy to think that literally 6 hours or 300 minutes on an airplane would give my sons their lives back.Yet it seems millions of miles away.

Kodi 12 used to have dreams of been a Judge,an Attorney he is very like his mom,in that he likes to help others and make a difference.But now his only dream is to be able to have friends,to have a tree house in his own home,not to constantly have to move to stay safe.To play sports like all others in his school.His ultimate dream for his birthday was to have met and swam with Winter the dolphin in Florida,but he could not even have a party as too risky to invite friends.He simply wants to be a kid and to enjoy the innocence of same.Sadly he is been Forced to live with the constant Trauma of Child Abuse and nobody seems to care.

I know that he is now depressed as he comes home from school and straight into his bed.He dreams of playing, of laughing and of not been Kidnapped.The stress is starting to take its toll on him.Imagine as a child wondering if today is the day when your dad ,your abuser turns up at the school to take you.That if he does that he will never see his mom or brother again.At 12 yrs old that is Mental Torture and Abuse.But the threat is real and his fear is destroying who he is inside,just a little boy who sadly had the wrong daddy.

His brother R now 18 yrs old ,has his life on hold.He also has no friends ,no life,cant go out to work.Why you ask ? well it is simple he has to do for us what the authorities can not do.He has to protect us from our abuser his dad again.He is now also starting to get very depressed,as he can never leave us alone,as he says the one time he lets his guard down is when he will strike.He sleeps during the day and he sits up with his dog every night to let Kodi and I sleep,well what sleep we can get.

Many people think that as an Advocate for Domestic Violence & Child Abuse that I should be able to protect us.But the reality is that as we are Irish and sadly live in Ireland despite all that I do is in the USA and for American People we have no laws here to protect us.No barring order,No protection order,No safety order.We are on our own.Our lives are one of total isolation from the world,from family,from friends we are simply been left to rot away behind closed doors and blinds.

Do you know what it is like to live in constant FEAR ? Well I will tell you ,as we do and as sad as it sounds I would prefer to have my abuser,my rapist to continue to abuse and rape me rather than live wondering if today is the day I die.Walking out the door is a military effort,going to the store is a nightmare.Waiting to be found,waiting to be murdered is the loneliest and most horrific feeling in the world,Yet this is our life everyday.

We do not want to take anything from anybody in the USA.We want to help victims,with the project we have planned that will insure men,women and children can not only leave their abuser,but the program will insure they never go back,It is a totally new unique concept and will be totally FREE.We do not want any Social Security,or financial aid.We have somewhere to stay,work available.We will support ourselves all that we want is to be able to live,sleep,laugh,and have friends without the fear of death.What is so wrong with that ?

When we where in the states on a waiver we had to file reports of DV due to somebody telling my ex where we were?We where in a shelter,we had to at times go on the run to stay alive.We have been told that we come under the terms of a U Visa which is for victims of DV that are non citizens,we have the paper trail,the proof yet nobody seems to care.

I am now 44 yrs old and have lived over 23 yrs of that life been abused.And we are still been abused.My son K now 16 yrs old went to see his dad in Canada when he was 14 on July 23rd 2011 ,I have not seen my son since.His dad kept him and I will not loose Kodi to this man.I do not want to die,before I get to live .I want my sons to have their dreams and to be able to see that if you speak out and tell the truth that someday ,somewhere ,somebody will care enough to help us.

If something does not happen soon to allow us into the USA ,then we will simply be the headline news on newspapers and on the internet.People always say that they would have helped if they had of known.Well I have swallowed every ounce of pride that I have and told the world,I have begged for help.But as we are not famous,not rich we are not important enough to be saved.

The U Visa is there to help victims like us,so why are all our requests been ignored.And why was I told that I am not the standard of person the USA wants even for a holiday.That was simply when I applied for a holiday visa nothing more.I could understand if we where the wrong type of people but when we are not criminals,not terrorists,not fanatics just normal family wanting to escape our life of hell.Like my boys I am on the verge of giving up as despite some people saying they will help,their words are simply that just words.

Please pray for my family as we just want to live,surely that is a human right for us all

Lurleen Hilliard

Nolonger Victims(Lurleen) -FB-Twitter

Cell> 011 353 89 414 19 21




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